


You're Welcome

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 01:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9524864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Angel has just realized that Cordelia has actually died. She never woke up and she never will. Coming to terms with it is going to be hard but Angel has to live his life. But before he does, he has to figure out what to tell his team and what this really means.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This scene takes place at the end of the episode in season 5 called "You're Welcome." This is my vision of what happened right after he found out that Cordelia had died.

Angel gathered up his things and slowly made his way toward the elevator. In all his years, he had lost many things but they all seemed so small in comparison. The history books would tell you that his great love was Darla, others would tell you that is was Buffy but deep down, Angel knew the truth; It was Cordelia. She was the one who held the key to his true happiness this round. He had been so happy to have her back that he was blinded but the truth, he wasn’t allowed to be happy, not yet.

            The elevator dinged as he reached the lower level, wall to wall of cars. They were his to use whenever he wanted to. All of this was his. He could do almost anything these days at the snap of his fingers. He had considered that the cost of what he was giving of himself was greater than what he was receiving but he could not turn back now. He may have made a deal with the devil but he had done it to protect the innocent. Even if he had to start from the bottom, or what appeared to be the top to other people, that is exactly what he was going to do. He was going to save the innocent.

            He picked his car, strangely, of all the cars. He had access to whatever car he wanted but his was all he needed. He had ridden in this car more times that he could count, Cordelia sitting beside him. She would generally complain that he was not going the right way or that they had passed what they were looking for. At the time, it would drive him crazy, but now, he longed for her to be by his side.

            _Tell me we don’t live in a soap opera._ Angel laughed as memories of her flooded his mind. She was everything that he had needed. When she came into his life, it was not by accident or by coincidence; he was supposed to find her. But that meant that now, she was supposed to be dead. He was not sure that he could accept that.

            _The first soldier down._ And then there were two. Who else was going to lose their lives in his battle for good? Was it worth it? Could he stop them from going into the dark with him? He imagined he couldn’t. No matter what they came across, one thing always stayed true, they stuck together. There were times when they got off track but no one walked away. They had all been given second chances in life and still, they remained together. He was not fighting his battle, they were fighting their battle, as one.

Angel pulled up outside of where he was supposed to meet the others. He was generally good at keeping himself together and now more than ever, that is what he needed, but he was lost. He had been without Cordelia for a long while now but she was still with him. He thought of her every day, begging whatever higher being was in control to bring her back to him. And it did. It gave her back to him but the price was great. She was granted one wish and she wished for a final day with him; a day to show him what really matters, because honestly, he had completely forgotten.

            “I would use my last wish for you,” Angel said into the night air. If he had a beating heart, this would be the point where it would stop for a minute, contemplating whether or not it wanted to beat at all anymore.

            _That would be a wasted wish._ She appeared beside him once again, but he knew she was not real. She was just a figment of his imagination, helping him through this moment. If he were to reach out, he would touch nothing but air.

            “You could never be a wasted wish,” Angel tried to give her a smile but he couldn’t fake any emotion of being happy.

            _You have people to save._ She had to remind him once again of the mission, though he already knew. _And I am not one of those people._

“Why can’t I just save the one?” Angel questioned. Wasn’t she worth saving? Wasn’t she so important to the world that saving her could be great enough?

            _Because you don’t get to choose. I am right there with you, I would love to be alive. The afterlife has shit for shoes._

            “You don’t get to go to shoe heaven?”

            _I tried. Apparently, it’s not really a thing. I’ll be okay though. I get to watch you._

            “I am not sure if that is comforting.”

            _I promise to close my eyes during the … private parts._

 _“_ No.”

            _What?_

“There is nothing in my life that I am ashamed of you seeing.” Angel looked toward the building that was housing his friends. “In fact, it might be good for me to know that I can’t get away with anything.”

            _Done._

            “Done?” Angel turned toward her with his question but once again she was gone. “Cordy?”

            Once again, he had lost her. She had been right there and he could do nothing to keep her. But he could do one thing. He could not let her down. He would fight the good fight. He would save innocent people from things they could not save themselves from and he could … he could be happy. The last part was going to be harder than all the rest, but he knew in time he could get there. He could not allow himself to fall back into the black hole he had grown so fond of. He had to keep on living because she couldn’t, and someone had to.

            “I love you,” Angel said into the air, hoping, almost praying that she was somewhere, anywhere, able to see him.

            With that, Angel climbed out of the car and made his way inside. It was slightly crowded but it did not take long for him to find his friends. He watched them from a far. They were drinking, laughing and all around happy. Their worlds were dark daily but they were happy. They had each other and that was all they needed.

            “Angel,” A drunken Fred slid off a barstool and rushed over to hug him. “We didn’t think you were going to make it.”

            “Yeah man,” Gunn rose his glass into the air. “Hey, where is Cordelia?”

            “She had to leave,” Angel gave them a smile, trying to keep himself together.

            “Leave to where?” Fred questioned, giving him a saddened look. He knew it was because she felt like Cordelia had just left her behind. Why would she not just tell her that she was leaving?

            “The powers that be woke her up,” Angel worked to think of a lie out of nowhere. “But in doing that, she had to promise to take her reward.”

            “Her reward?” Gunn raised his eyebrow in Angel’s direction.

            “They wanted her to have the life she always dreamed of,” Angel lied again and it hurt. He was not sure what hurt more, the fact that it was not the truth or the fact that he was lying to his friends. “She is probably on some beach right now, sipping an overly expensive drink that was brought to her by some buff shirtless man.”

            “Does she remember us?” The sadness was thick in Fred’s voice and he almost cried but he would not allow himself to do that. He could not do that to them.

            “No,” Angel shook his head. “But she is happy, I know she is.”

            “Oh,” Fred walked back over to the bar, working through all of this information.

            Angel looked over his friends. Fred was looking down at her drink, unsure if she could finish it or not. Gunn sipped at his but Angel could tell that it was no longer satisfying. And then there was Wesley and Lorne, both looking at him with knowing eyes. They knew better. Lorne could probably read the pain radiating from his body and Wesley, he was smart enough to know that it did not work that way, but neither said anything.

            “To Cordelia,” Wesley finally spoke, holding up his glass. “May she truly live the life she deserved to have from the start.”

            “To Cordelia,” everyone raised their glasses in unison and then took a drink.

            The air was lighter after that. They went back to talk about random work things but it was not the same. They smiled and they laughed but there was something missing. Not something, someone. They would heal, some quicker than others but they would heal. Gunn would find a case to throw himself into and through Fred would be sad, she was good at coping. Okay, good was a bad word to use but she had been through so much more than this. Lorne would be saddened and Angel knew that they would be talking about this later. But then there was Wesley and himself. They would move forward, they would laugh, they would keep on the good fight but would both know … _The second soldier has fallen._

            “Where are Spike and Harmony?” Angel changed the subject, trying to distract his mind.

            “I think they are getting cozy with one another again,” Gunn pointed with his glass across the room. They were sitting on a sofa together, laughing with one another.

            “Well that doesn’t seem,” Angel worked to find the right word. “Hmm … good for them, I guess.”

            “They aren’t one of us,” Wesley laid his hand on Angel’s shoulder as he walked by. Angel could see the tears that were forming behind his eyes and he struggled to hold back his own. “Maybe that is good for them.”

            _The second soldier has fallen._ The words echoed through his head in Cordelia’s voice. _But I’ll be watching._

            “I think I am going to head in for the night,” Angel announced to the group. “It has been a long day.”

            “Yeah,” Gunn finished off his drink and stood up, along with everyone else. “We should all probably head in for the night.”

            “See you all at work tomorrow,” Angel waved off his friends, staying behind to pay the tab.

            _Angel._ He tried to fight against it but soon he was looking to the side, Cordelia standing right beside him. _I love you, too._

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters.


End file.
